Intimacy in marriage is sometimes perceived as the flame of a romantic relationship. But what if the relationship develops a routine — can you heat it up again?

Beyond the Spark—Deepening Marital Intimacy

Bin Careem

Evidence shows that as many as 60% of couples will see their marital satisfaction diminish during the early years of marriage. The causes of this decline are complex and various, but one fact is certain: a healthy, happy marriage takes more than an initial jolt.

In the following words, we’ll explore the layers of marital intimacy and offer a roadmap for couples trying to relight the fire that once burned between them.

Understanding Intimacy in Marriage: Challenges and Solutions

Every romantic relationship involves intimacy, especially in marriage. It can be relatively simple to connect strongly in the early stages of a relationship, but challenges can come as time goes on.

These are a few of the common problems that can take a toll on intimacy in marriage:

Any relationship requires good communication. However, when couples fall back into their routines, they can end up taking each other for granted, and the communication between them slips.

This can be noticed in the ways mentioned below:

When communication is absent in intimate relationships or when couples avoid discussing important and sensitive topics, problems arise. Those can be money matters, intimacy issues, parenting approaches, or grievances from the past. Such conversations may seem easy to avoid, but avoidance breeds resentment and distrust.” Instead, couples should work to make a safe space to talk about these intimate issues.

Listening to each other is another significant problem. A partner not fully focused can create many misunderstandings and feelings that you are not being listened to. To counteract this, couples need to work to truly hear one another. This means bestowing on one another their full attention, making eye contact, and not talking over one another.

Expecting your partner to read your mind is another way to create drama, which can cause frustration, disappointment, and conflict. Instead of making assumptions, couples should work clearly. That can take the form of saying what you think and feel, asking questions to keep the conversation going, and making an effort to see each other’s side.

Couples can overcome communication breakdowns by actively listening, scheduling regular talks, and trying to understand each other’s perspectives.

When couples begin to feel as though they are leading separate lives, they are experiencing emotional disconnection. This may have been due to one of the reasons discussed below:

Without spending time together, couples can start to feel stagnant and disconnected. With busy lives and competing priorities, it’s easy to let quality time together get lost in the shuffle. But going out on regular date nights, having shared activities, or just having quiet evenings together can stoke the fire and help you grow closer.

As people mature, their interests and priorities change. When couples do not have interests, aspirations, or ambitions in common, it can lead to distance, disengagement, and disconnection. But that does not need to be a deal breaker. Finding new things or hobbies you can do together or just being there to support one another with hobbies goes to show that relationships can adapt even if priorities or interests change.

Toxic Past: When conflicts are left unresolved, past hurts, or grievances unaddressed, they create toxicity in a relationship. Or, when couples don’t work through issues, resentment and anger can accumulate, leading to emotional distance and disconnection. When couples challenge these issues by openly communicating about their feelings, practicing empathy, and offering forgiveness to one another, they can move on from conflict and grow closer together.

For couples wanting to emotionally reconnect, focus on quality time together, do things you both enjoy and practice empathy and understanding.

Chronic illness, chronic pain, or a disability can affect physical intimacy and overall satisfaction in a relationship. It can be difficult to stay connected emotionally and physically when you have a partner in the throes of a physical health crisis. For instance:

Prioritize open communication about health challenges and seek professional support if needed.

Life changes are another factor that can affect marital intimacy. These transitions can be both exhilarating and stressful, leaving couples feeling empty and distant. Transitions that can affect intimacy between couples include:

As wonderful as having kids is, it also creates new stressors and responsibilities that can take a toll on marital intimacy.

 Caring for aging parents can take an emotional and physical toll, especially when a couple feels drained and disconnected.

Major career changes or financial pressure can cause stress and anxiety, which can make it more difficult for couples to prioritize intimacy.

When couples identify and meet these challenges, they can repair and cultivate their relationship intimacy. Understanding the toll these challenges have taken and working with your partner to overcome those challenges can create a more connected and stronger relationship.

How to bring back the passion and intimacy in your relationship to get the love and passion back. In a relationship, both partners need to have the willingness and the effort to make it happen.

 Plan fun activities, regular date nights, or do things that you both like together.

 Developing emotional intimacy by listening with empathy and validating each other can deepen the connection as well.”

 To reignite physical intimacy, plan regular “us” time (and practice relaxation techniques), and experiment with different ways to physically connect.

If necessary, counselling or therapy can help you navigate obstacles and learn to communicate and resolve conflict effectively.

The ability to forgive and understand, get past old grudges and resentments, and be present and part of a couple is what helps couples move on and be able to find great passion and intimacy again in their relationship.

Intimacy in marriage can be a challenging dynamic in any romantic partnership. By recognizing and dealing with struggle, couples can deepen their bond. Bringing back passion and intimacy takes work, commitment, and a readiness to grow together. Emotional intimacy and physical intimacy will take your relationship to the next level.

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