THE LOVE UNTOLD

As a fresher in the university trying to complete my registration process, I went to my department as I had to get some signatures signed and suddenly I saw a figure that looked like someone I knew, I walked closely and yeah that's him, my very secondary School quiet crush. Wow I went straight and tapped my Mr. Crush and he was also very excited to see me and as fate will have it he was in my very department not but a year ahead as he is in 200 level. Contacts were exchanged and we kept talking and he even helped me in finishing my registration process. Now I'm settled in the university as a full 100level student. Guess what? The feeling is still the same, he still looks as cute as ever, as gentle as ever and as adorable as ever, why won't I fall in love with a man as cute and responsible as that. Well the friendship started building up, he made sure I'm studying and focused in school, he gets me some of his materials so I can be ahead of my mates in class and read ahead of my lectures, all his friends knew how close my friendship was and even advised us to date but we always laughed about it and that's all. He was there, always there, we read together, play and fight, hmmn, I remember a night I went to his place and was going to spend the night at his place, yes you heard me ' spend a night at his place' don't be so excited in hearing that because he had a roommate and he was too responsible for that. So I went there and we got talking and in the process had a fight, I couldn't really remember what we fought about,I got angry and left the room went outside and sat there under a tree and according to his friend, he was worried and couldn't take the fact that I was outside, after a while I saw him coming towards me with a cardigan and then he put it on me and sat besides me, the next thing I heard was  ' I'm sorry' I became weak, my hear was racing, I was lost in my head, my body was betraying me for a kiss but I couldn't because I knew who I was dealing with. Let me give you a little profile about my Mr. Crush ( He loves God, a dedicated Christian, the only boy in his family, very brilliant, very loving and caring) so we settled, cooked for me, I ate and guess what we had a wonderful night, I laid down on the bed close to the floor and the friend laid on the bed close to the wall, my crush laid on the ground close to where I laid down so we talked all night, laughing, it was so beautiful and just when I was about to sleep, he kissed me on my forehead, that moment was priceless, beautiful, I couldn't sleep anymore, I watched him sleep while I kept dreaming of more with my heart so sweet like my chest is coming out with so much happiness. You can imagine how happy and excited I was in the morning, ready to go to school with him. So the friendship continued like that till I got to 200level around second semester, Mr. Crush didn't say anything, just be a friend and acting like a big brother, it was really frustrating, then I met a guy, Mr. A, he was also a year ahead of me, so we became friends and from been friends became lovers but I dare not have anything sextual with him, because firstly I wasn't ready for that and secondly I didn't want to disappoint Mr. Crush by living a life I know he doesn't like. So my relationship started like sugar and honey and will come and gist Mr. Crush and we will laugh about it but sometimes I noticed he wasn't really happy. Well at that point I was swimming in my new relationship so I didn't really pay attention. So one day I went visiting and was crying because I just caught Mr. A making up with another lady, I had a key to his room, he never knew I was coming and I just wanted to surprise him with something I got for him and I saw his roommate outside, he was shocked to see me and was trying to have a long conversation with me to avoid me going inside but I was so much in a hurry to surprise my baby that I just left him and opened the door, boom he was on top of the girl. I just dropped my bag, went into his kitchen and started washing the diet dishes, when I came out, the girl was already out, I picked a broom and sweep the room, when I was done with the work without saying a word to him I left his place and straight to Mr. Crush to cry. While crying and he was consoling me the atmosphere became intensive and boom it happened, a deep unexpected kiss, it was nothing like I have ever felt before, we were there for some minutes before we both realized what was happening, he bow down his head and my head was up with a surprise look and when he opened his mouth I was expecting I am sorry this happened but what I heard shocked me, he said I am not regretting this I am because I will do it over and over again with you, as long as it's you, what!!! I'm I dreaming, could this be same man I know, I left his house still in shock. The truth is I didn't know how to react, did I love it, of course I do, I'm happy about It? I don't know, I don't know how I feel, maybe because I just got heartbroken. Days later I was able to face him after a lot of calls, he said I am sorry if it looked like a took advantage of the fact that you were emotional vulnerable at the time I kiss you, I just couldn't stand you in pains, the truth is I have dreamt of a day like this for a long time, not in this way, today I have no choice but to tell you the truth, I have always loved you, right from the very first time, even in secondary school I have always admire you ( In my heart, I'm saying you must be kidding me, did this guy just say all this to me) I just didn't know how to tell you, I didn't want to lose your friendship, I didn't know if you feel the same way,so I was scared and sceptical, I was in pain watching date another man, in fact I cried the day he kissed you right in front of me, I cried when I got home, and seeing you cry because the same person cheated on you, I couldn't hold myself. I love you. That word kept ringing in my head as I stood up and told him I will see you later the word kept ringing and ringing in my head. Why now, what should I do,what should I say ...  .  Alot of questions. Later that evening I went to his place and at this time I was composed. Then I started talking, from secondary school I have always loved you, I wanted for you to say something but you never did and now I am scared that if I start a relationship with you,I will destroy the friendship because I am heartbroken right now and I'm not in a good place to start any relationship. Please let go back to the way we used to be. He said I understand and gave me a very beautiful hug like we normally do. Surprisingly we were okay just like we used to be. One day I fell sick, he came to my place and made food for me,oh I didn't tell you, he is a very good cook. My neighbors are from the food and they kept complimenting this your brother can cook very well. Everybody that knows us thinks he is my brother that's how close we are. Always together and study together too. Oh I broke up with Mr A. He begged but I refused. So in Mr. Crush final year first semester, he met a girl and he finally got himself a girlfriend, the very first girlfriend, the girl also took me as a sister cos she knew how close I and Mr. Crush is. was I jealous, sometimes yes. Mr. Crush graduated and I was in my final year and the grill too was also in her final year. Luckily Mr.Crush and the girl stays in the same town. So while he was waiting for youth service and I was in my final year he chatted me one day and we kept talking and I told him how he hasn't called me for a week and he was apologizing and jokingly told me that when he is serving he would switch off his phone so I won't be able to reach him and I laughed and asked him, can you do without me? He said no that I know I am his Pearl. My very first time of hearing that word surprisingly. .we laughed and told each other I love you which is a normal thing we say to each other. About 5 days later I woke up in the morning, I just wore a black gown and I wanted to call a friend who happens to know Mr. Crush and I started dialing Mr. Crush number and I was telling my younger sister whom I live with how silly I am calling Mr. Crush instead of my other friend, though the number didn't go through. Later my friend called and I was telling him, do you know I wanted calling you and I was calling Mr. Crush, what a coincidence that you are calling me now. And he asked me when last I heard from Mr.Crush and I said last week and he needed his call, I was surprised why will he end the call, so I called him back and the next thing I heard was Mr. Crush is dead, hmmmmm, I laughed and warned him never to joke with such, I told him if it was April fool he should now try that because we were in April then. I ended the call. But my spirit kept troubling me, it has been that way since I woke up so I decided to call Mr. Crush girlfriend, only for his formal roommate to pick, how? What's happening? Why are you with Mr. Crush girlfriend's friend,you don't even stay in the same town, so why are you with her phone and the next thing I heard was Mr. Crush is dead. At this point my mind went blank, I found myself at my friend's place not too far from my house, barefooted, I didn't faint, I walked there myself, in tears, I didn't wear any shoes, I was confused, how? It was asive I had alot everything, from what I heard later, the time I was dialing his line was same time he died. When my friend called me he was been buried. The signs were all there, woke up moody, wore black gown, was dialing his line when I didn't want to. I was told the girlfriend came visiting and he wanted to go drop her at the park with his bike, he dropped her, on his way back to his place he had an accident, was in the hospital for days and didn't want anyone to call me , he knows me very well, I will lose my mind, and eventually died cos they didn't know he had internal injury, that was my first and last real heartbreak, I was in and out of hospital because of chest pain, it took time to heal, my exam officer had to call me to his office to advice me not to hurt myself. I was like the shadow of myself for a while. I knew the extent I loved him and I understood the extent he loved me. I kept asking myself what if I had accepted his love, maybe we would have still been together. That day I lost something life still hasn't given me back, a friend, a lover, a confident, a brother. I still miss him till now, it's been 9 years and still feel fresh. This is in memory of my lost love. Don't hold back, when you love someone, don't hold back, you don't know how long you will have them. Take a chance on love.

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