Why turning 30 is actually scary to me right now

Celestial_apotheker

 It has been a while since I graduated from school of Pharmacy. My name is yilkal and I am running closer to thirty. I just celebrated my 27th birthday on the 2nd of december last year. And this weird realisation hit me hard today that by the age of 30 I would still probably live with my parents. 

For some reasons I hopped on this weird generalised feeling of Gregor Samsa who was in his 30's and still living with his parents. I just felt exactly like that. By this sudden metamorphosis of the adulthood life I reminese today what in the hell just happened for this turning of events. 

Thirty years back from the memory of my father he met my mom in his twenties. He was a school principal in a rular district, a respected fellow. Owned his own farm and my mother told me the only reason she went to the market was to buy some table salt. Everything she needed she said she got it from her farm. 

My father moved out from the rular life up the ladder of success for the years to come to end up as a federal judge now in the city, still remincsiog about his old ways of life in the farm in the middle of the town and I who works currently at a Hospital Pharmacy thinking the same, quitting my job and going to the country side to start all over again. 

Life is strange for giving the same kind of drams for my dad who is runnig closer to his retirement age and me who is about to go to the era of his late stage adulthood unprepared and ready to be slapped by life in the face. 

I always wake up and ask myself what happened to the state of my country and the state of the world. I blame God and I blame capitalism and my government for not being stable at my twenties and I blame myself mostly for the path I didn't take and the choices I didn't make that led me to the position I am in right now. 

Of course my parents are supportive and they help in every way they can. The problem me of course, a soon 30 years old to be adult who can't afford a six months pre paid deposit to live an independent life and not be a cumbersome responsibilty on his family. 

I hope life is livable and affordable. I hope my thirties are new doors for me. I hope so my 30's would be years of me not being faded with boring retail job and doing something I always love, which is writing and reading and reflecting. I guess the years will go by smoothly and I won't be the burden on my family by then. I would be independent and right wing and support for my famhly for the years of sacrifice they put in my wellbeing. I pray and work for a tremendous life change.

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