Good evening From Africa 🇰🇪. Its warm and sunny 🌞 her

Good evening 🌎 world

Clintonnie

See, I'm 35. I have NEVER experienced happiness even for a day in my life. I don't care if the world thought I was a weakling. I will gladly wear this label and not flinch. This is who I am. I cannot reverse my birth. It happened and there is nothing I could do about it. Mostly, I write sad stories. These reflect my life, as a person. So many people get vexed every time I get to talk about myself. But that's fine.

You see, my grandmother brought me up. We lived on her farm. This is the only place I knew as home. My father had died when I was five. We had left after my father's demise when I was five. My mother left me to grow up at my grandmother's. She did not take the initiative to propagate our education, and especially me. When I was 12, I completed my primary school education. The chances of me joining high school were slim. After two years, I approached some guy around our place. I wanted him to beseech the administrators of a little school around our place to let me school there because I knew the guy went to school with some of them. It was a day school. I used to farm at my grandma's so I had some little cash. I bought my first uniform and went looking for my mom. I did a lot of coaxing to make her see me through school.

"You ask for too much! Why won't you follow your younger brother's steps and enroll in a mechanic course?"

My mom scolded me. She was furious. Honestly, my brother scored 99 marks while I scooped a whole 435 marks out of 700. It was hard for me to stick in school. Most of the times I did not attend school. I did not have school fees. Also, it was a little school where children who never performed well were dumped. The teachers were demotivated. And I was a sacrificial lamb. The consequences? I did not perform well in my final exams.

When I was nineteen, I left my grandma's. I kept trying to turn around my life. I would visit once or twice. Wherever I went to, I would work little jobs and even sent myself back to college at 24. After completing my diploma, I credit transferred to a university. I sat for KNEC exams, and so the university had no problems letting me enroll for my undergraduate studies. 

As a human being, sometimes I'm beaten. Other times I need solace. I needed a home, just someone who cared. I had tried to parent myself. I kept on fighting. One day I was so down. I went "home". I felt like a stranger and mostly because my grandma was now aged and I really had no right to ask anything from her since she brought me up as my own mother. Before I left, I had built a little house in the compound with my grandfather's instruction before he died.

" Grandma, can I built a house on the same compound where I built the little one?"

"No, the land has been demarcated already"

I was not asking that in a bad way. I wasn't fighting either. I was born male. I don't know what mistake I made. Because my mother insulted me later on.

"You are a man, stop asking your grandmother stupid questions. Go look for your own shits"

My grandmother did not insult me, she only articulated to me politely. She brought me up. My mother dumped me for her to cater. And now we are here, and I am the aggressor.

I did not wrong my grandmother. I used to work for her as a child. I user to graze her cattle and take her milk to the dairy at 2 am. I had no right to have a home in her compound once I'm grown. I was all on my own.

I did not wrong god. I was born without my consent.

Because of my situation, the world hates me and don't give a f^ck. But I have a rebellious heart.

That's how I knew I was fucked in this world.

Even though some other times I feel disowned and lonely, I keep trying.

The only place I knew as home is not home anymore. My family, including my mom didn't like me, but fine.

My books are my friends. I get to feel good dumping my pains in them.

If you have a painful story, I could assist you ghostwrite it. For romance, I'm the wrong person. I assas!nate characters anyhow because I'm a paranoid fella🙅‍♀️

Also, if you asked me where home is and I lied, or pointed different directions, hope you understood. It does change, though. If it doesn't, we tried our best. But take my word. IT DOES CHANGE. Don't let anyone lie to you.

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