A young woman who was able to free herself from the hands of bullies gives words of advice on how to escape the trauma

From Intrusion to Respect

Graceeee

      Bullying is the use of force, coercion, hurtful teasing or threat to abuse, aggressively dominate, aggressively  intimidate others. 

      It is the result of a bully's need to get and keep control over someone else. It is an unwanted and aggressive behaviour. It is the behaviour of a person who hurts or frightens someone who might seem smaller(not necessarily in size) or less powerful often forcing them to do what they do not wish to do. 

      Based on research, over 18.5% of the girls and over 20.4% of the boys in high school were subject to bullying behaviours. One out of every 5 students report being bullied. A higher percentage of male than female students report being bullied. In 2018, a survey was conducted and it was found out that 1 in 5 teachers witness bullying in the classroom everyday and only 23% feel the need to extensively educate the children on bullying. Some teachers may pass it off as "children's play" and others would ignore them completely. 

When we talk about bullying, at times it's limited only to physical bullying.

Physical bullying: This is when someone uses force or violence to harm someone else or coerce them into doing what they do not want to do.

2. Verbal bullying: Here, the bully doesn't need to lay a finger on you. The words they use are powerful enough to make you feel low of yourself. They could insult you or make you feel that you're lower than any other person in the world.

3. Social bullying: This is when someone uses their power to isolate another person

4. Cyber bullying: Technology is fast running into the world. Here, someone uses the social media or a text to bully another. You could post a picture of yourself online and someone could give a nasty comment about it.

A bully is the individual who perpetrates the aggression. They tend to inconvenience others just to please themselves. They sometimes seek for the attention and notice and so, seek to bully others. They are habitually cruel and insulting.

Some bullies are attention seekers and they hopelessly seek for attention from others. They think it is a way to become popular or show that they are better others. It makes them feel big and powerful when they pounce on those who can't defend themselves. Bullies actually really hate themselves, when they see someone who has what they don't have, they tend to bully them. When they see one who reminds them of theirselves, they pass on their self hate and aggression on to them.

They want to dominate others and improve their self esteem

2. Difficult home life: They feel helpless about their own personal lives and see bullying others as a way of coping with it.

3. Toxic shame around their core identity: Because they hate themselves and can't accept the way they are, they bully others who are better than them and others who are also like them. Deep down, they feel that they are worthless.

4. Some kind of personality disorder or illness.

5. And most at times, they are just psychopaths who entertain themselves with the cries of others because they are bored.

6. For the fun of it: At times, other people bully others because they want other people to think they're funny or cool.

This is the target of the aggression. These are those who can't defend themselves from the claws of the bullies. They are helpless, frustrated and angry. At times they may want to end their own lives rather than live with the shame of being bullied. It is not your fault that you're being bullied. They didn't ask to be bullied nor rather do they like being bullied. At times they have no one to talk to about being bullied, this may be due to their inferiority complex or the shame they feel about being bullied.

People who are unable to defend themselves

2. People with low self esteem and are insecure.

3. People who do not get along well with others and spite at those who are the center of attraction 

4. They could also be shy or socially anxious.

5. People who are different from their peers: This could be racially, colour differences, differences in sex(lgbtq). Just because you don't agree on certain things with a person doesn't mean you should bully them. Just because a person doesn't belong to the same tribe as you do, or the same race or because they're not straight or because they're not bisexual or because they're not transgender or because they dont believe in the same religion that you belive in doesn't mean they should be bullied. People have the right to choose what ever they want to be, they have the right to choose the religion or tribe or sex they want to belong to, it's just a thing about preferences, it shouldn't resulting to bullying and stigmatisation. 

     The fact that a person doesn't see eye to eye with you doesn't mean that they should  be bullied. Because someone is bisexual or pertains to another sex different from yours shouldn't make them a floor for you to step on.

Children and teens who are bullied are at increased risk of;

2. Anxiety and other mental health issues.

4. Lower sense of self worth: Most of them probably didn't feel good about themselves but being prone to bullying makes it worse. They start to feel that they really are the problem

5. PTSD: Post traumatic stress disorder. This is a mental health disorder that could occur when someone witnesses or is a victim of a traumatic event.

6. Committing suicide: Because they have no one to talk to and at times when they do, proper action isn't taken, they delve deeper into their own thoughts and could eventually commit suicide.

7. Students being bullied could end up dropping out of school entirely and this could give a huge scar emotionally in their lives

8. Some victims of bullying could later end up as murderers.

It is important to always stay calm and not get emotional. Bullies derive joy and thrive at the sorrow of others. You need to show them that they can't get what they want by toying with you.

2. Find activities that make you feel good about yourself: Indulge yourself in one thing or the other. Find out what you're good at and work massively on it. Doing this would make you feel confident about yourself and by so doing, no one would be able to look down on you.

3. Always stand up for yourself: If it happens the first time then don't let there be a second time. Let them know that you don't like what they are doing and you won't tolerate that attitude. Yes, it may seem easier said than done but it's worth the try

4. Report: If you've tried other methods and still there's no end to the bullying, as a student, you could report to your teacher. As a worker, you could report to your boss and if your boss is the bully, report to the authorities. If your teacher is the bully, also report to the authorities.

It is important to create a safe and supportive environment where bullying is not tolerated. Students who have been reported for bullying should be expelled, thereby using them as a scape goat to others. Workers or directors or managers or bosses who bully others should have legal action taken against them.

2. Restorative justice: Here, both the victim/(s) and bully/bullies should be brought together and the issue should be resolved patiently and permanently.

3. Promote positive social norms: Here, values such as respect and kindness are emphasised over and over again.

4. Students should be taught how to resolve conflicts. 

In schools, it could lead to a suspension or an expulsion

2. Outside of school, it could lead to paying of fines or even serving jail time.

3. In extreme cases, bullies may develop a pattern of antisocial behaviour that could lead to criminal activities.

4. Stigmatisation: No one wants to associate with a bully and no good would come from being with them and so, others would tend to avoid them and avoid doing things with them.

5. Bullying brings shame. Shame upon themselves, shame to their family and friends and shame to their society.

                  A MESSAGE TO THE BULLIES

I hope you find genuine peace of mind within yourself and with others. Nothing is permanent and neither should the will to bully others. You need to recognise that your behaviour is bad and work towards changing it, for your own good. Apologise to the people you've victimised and genuinely seek their forgiveness. Forgive yourself too because everything starts from within. 

                 A MESSAGE TO THE VICTIMS

Hi there, I know that whatsoever you're going through you can get through it. It's only temporary. I don't sympathise but empathise with you because I know how it feels to be a target for bullying and I was able to scale through all of it and so could you. No bullying should be seen as "too small" or "manageable". I was able to work thoroughly on myself and I am genuinely happy to say that I reap from my massive break through and so can you. Never let anyone look down on you. If you feel like you're not good enough or good at all at a particular thing, and that's why others bully you, become perfect at it. I used to be bullied because I wasn't good enough academically and now, I'm bold enough to say that I'm a lot better than those who bullied me back then and now, I can stand with the best of the best. 

   I hope that this little article helps you get through your traumatic experience.

                            ~Anaso Grace Godfrey.C. 

Bullying should not be taken lightly and must be reported. Victims of bullying should share their problems with a counsellor or a genuine friend so as to get over the experience. And together, we can make the world a safer place.

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