Baskadia

This thing lodged between my throat

Tears away at my soul piece by piece

I stay locked up in my room, in my space, in my head.

I dread coming out

I feel like I smear the wonderful presence of the world with my stench

I knew you leave the moment I attempt to open my mouth

And dislodge this thing in my throat

I feel the grim reaper close by

Waiting for when this body can simply take no more

I wish there was a mirror in death

Maybe if I look

I see that look of concern and care

It give me joy even in utmost torment

but I fear it would never come

I might look and see disdain

Disgust

relief that weird and creep is gone

I would love to reach out and maybe show you this thing lodged in my throat

but it wouldn't change anything, would it?

I deserve it

and yet it doesn't hurt less

I fear I will visit death with this

never to whimper no more

The silent tears lost in the abyss of my heart

My heart going before my head

never again to cause pain

never to make you doubt

Soon, just soon

you would forget this dreadful existence of mine

As "he" has

I might never get to know why I deserved it

where I really went wrong

by trying to dislodge this pain\but i deserve it

till I sleep

never to wake.