This thing lodged between my throat
Tears away at my soul piece by piece
I stay locked up in my room, in my space, in my head.
I dread coming out
I feel like I smear the wonderful presence of the world with my stench
I knew you leave the moment I attempt to open my mouth
And dislodge this thing in my throat
I feel the grim reaper close by
Waiting for when this body can simply take no more
I wish there was a mirror in death
Maybe if I look
I see that look of concern and care
It give me joy even in utmost torment
but I fear it would never come
I might look and see disdain
Disgust
relief that weird and creep is gone
I would love to reach out and maybe show you this thing lodged in my throat
but it wouldn't change anything, would it?
I deserve it
and yet it doesn't hurt less
I fear I will visit death with this
never to whimper no more
The silent tears lost in the abyss of my heart
My heart going before my head
never again to cause pain
never to make you doubt
Soon, just soon
you would forget this dreadful existence of mine
As "he" has
I might never get to know why I deserved it
where I really went wrong
by trying to dislodge this pain\but i deserve it
till I sleep
never to wake.