There was a post on face book. It said put dear god then pray.10 min later i was on the floor crying and this is what i wrote its not revised or edited so i d. Apologies

Dear, God

Tazix

I've been struggling here of late. I smile and put on a pretty face, I tell those around me that i am blessed wearing this mask, so i may save others the burden of my pain. I find my self looking in the mirror and the reflection is of one I do not know. This anger and depression eating at my soul, its festering Inside my heart, it has consumed my soul. i feel the decay ive rotted to my core and there is no cure.I am filled with shame as I gaze into the faces of the children i raise. lord they been through the heart ach and Heart break, during the separation between there mother and I. she went and left and it was devastating, been nothing but a struggle sense. Back then they were my support, team fam was the motto, nothing but building up one another. Daddy and his babies against the world, but now my mistakes have carried over I watch helplessly as there hearts break, I try desperately to build and forge new memories like they can hold us all together while I'll be gone. But so much hurt disappointment, has changed each of them. It's beginning to be hard to reconize them.. pain just seems to hang over all of us like a rainy day. Tit-for-tat... seems to be the motto these days. Between my middle two. With each insult, and every push it hurts my heart worse then any gun or any knife. I stand here befor thee not for my self but I pray that you may come into each of them restore there hearts, allow them to regain their love. Between father and son though we both know they are all better then any of this. So I stay fast and believe oneday soon we to will be blessed 

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