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JESSICA'S STORY: HOW FAMILY CARE HELPS ME

"Now that I communicate my needs with my family and loved ones, they show up for me in ways above and beyond what I ask."

How do you practice self-care to support your emotional wellbeing? How does it help you?

I schedule days for meaningful connection once a month with friends, I meditate and journal, lightly massage my body whilst sending loving thoughts to every cell in my body.

I have also recently started a new ritual of having an infrared sauna once a month as it helps with physical pain I experience on a daily basis due to a complications from my last birth. I find my emotional wellbeing is highly influenced by my physical well-being.

How do you ask for and accept help from family and loved ones? Why is learning to accept help so important?

I will say yes when someone offers to help. I know I can call my mum or an aunty if I need help.

I used to feel very attached to the belief that I had to do and be it all, and that letting people help me meant I was failing as a mother. It led me to burnout and not being able to be as present as I need to be for my children.

I now ask myself the question, “who can help me?”. It’s been life changing. It truly does take a village and that should be normalised.

Now that I communicate my needs with my family and loved ones, they show up for me in ways above and beyond what I ask.

For example, I have an Aunty who brought me a fully cooked meal for the entire family ever week last year as Mum life was very full on. That gesture meant so much.

Asking for help and accepting help is a non-negotiable for me now.

What kind of help is most useful to you? 

Cooking (meal delivery), cleaning, child minding and a safe space to express myself with close friends and a mentor has been very helpful.

What are some helpful strategies for identifying and communicating your care and support needs to family and friends?

When I become aware that I need help, I will take action immediately by calling or messaging family as this allows me to reach out before over analysing the situation. I take a deep breath and use the affirmation “I give myself permission to ask for help”.

Why are friendships, hobbies and interests important to you?

Friendships let us know we are not alone in this experience. Finding community that you can relate to as a mother is so important.

I organise play dates with friends and we chat whilst the children play or I schedule time once a month for longer uninterrupted catch ups with close friends to have meaningful conversations without children present.

I read everyday, occasionally listen to podcasts and create space once or twice a week for creativity which could be on a school/kindy day or after the children go to sleep.

Being creative for no reason brings a great deal of warmth to my soul. It also doesn’t need to be anything grandiose and can be something I do for ten minutes or an hour.

What are some of the positive impacts of helping others?

Our small or large acts of service create healthier and happier communities for generations to come. It’s a win win for all.

How can health care providers better support people during the perinatal period? 

I feel there needs to be more awareness around postnatal support past the usual six week check up.

We get so busy with the demands of motherhood that sometimes the emotions or perhaps physical issues we experience don’t really come into our conscious awareness until much later in our journey.

I think mums need more recommended check ups and contact with health and care professionals during this period.

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