SHIFTING MINDSETS

A.R.Makena

Dating in old times or days was a community business where all the villagers aunties uncles and people from the other clan or the other side of the river would know whose daughter is getting married to which son .mostly those relationships would end when a child comes of course out of wedlock ,this may have sounded like a crime or a taboo but 78% percent of girls and boys would here names of their fathers from fellow villagers, that isn’t obviously our matter of concern .moving back to our main business dating was an achievement dating was a sign of my daughter has grown but for the sons it was like mwari wa Nyaga is wasting your time or I have heard of you and Njeru’s daughter ….obviously when a baby came it would all be the girls family’s problem that is in the place where the mans  mother or relatives didn’t like the girl or their friends telling them your son is better ,don’t know what came with villagers .

But what about in situations where everything smoothly moved from seeing you at the corner of your fence to the rushes in the Napier grass or maize plantations not really for sex but hiding from villagers who will spread about their relationships am guessing that would always lead to either the girl moving in with the man or the mans parents coming for the girl ….i will tell you my great grandmothers love life in the next article …sure you all want to know how she loved and bore 11 sons and daughters with her husband tough one trust me .

In 2023 I am 22 and single ,not that there is no men approaching me and women too .we are officially in a generation where a persons sexuality is determined by them  not by nature that expects that if I am a woman I am supposed to marry a man and vice versa .

My love story is simple ,a couple of guys have asked  me out and said yes but never I showed up ,I have dated a man for 7 years on whatsApp ,I am crying as I write that line ,I have a shot my shot and he said “hey you are so pretty ,you are wise and Make I am married” few months later our lips touched our hands went places  I started falling …but I stood you know .Make was short form for my name ….who cares now when he calls me by my three names . Im now still in my 7 years one this is like a marriage we fight and fall and everything in between ,this is how it is supposed to be ‘this is how is supposed to be is a line used in situations people want to sugar coat situations like Marriage ,why not write your story .that was my love story ,that not even an ant or flies know .but I know a couple of friends stories ,I know a girl whose man was her friend of two years and now they’ve dated ten months she has shared to me her mother knows this is gen Z is it not,her man visits .i know another one who has is  she is being  treated like a princess But she loves another man  and  they have a future ,her mother has heard those both names ,I know another one who is dating my fathers brothers cousin ,i know another three who have babies not married not posting their spouses not telling me about them I know another one who has a wedding in January but she is still dating a girl I know ,I know another one who has not been married with a church and a white gown with shoes that are tall …the list I heck endless .this is our definition of dating ,whatsapp making us break up because a girl texted a hello ,dms going wild and my man leaving ,if a baby doesn’t come we are strangers even though our bedroom curtains know we know each other by all names and spots .i can not post this because he Is going to view and judge and maybe leave I cannot even hug him because he is going to judge me and maybe leave ,she called me and my wife of three days knows about us and now Im going to accuse her so that she can stop calling and texting ,I have dated seven ladies and men and I will keep this one not until ,a short skirt passes ,

Now Im asking my self what broke fiancées and couple during the days when there were no whatsApps and texts calls and short dresses

We are shifting the mindset it is alright to fail to date for sex to date for passing time to date while not having sex ,to date for company ,we are changing the mindset that whoever I am dating should be a community business ,we are changing the mindset that ladies and men at a certain age must be dating ,we are changing the mindset that it must end in marriage ,

African parents it is time to understand that its not a must for your 23yearold to be dating and wanting children ,

Its not about the wedding ,it is not about the villagers ,your daughters can do it without a man by their side .

We are shifting from hiding in the nappiergrass or the neighbors perimeter walls to it is okay to come in home .

And when we shift from every man and woman visiting and been seen around hugging or kissing in  the public must get married or daughters will get pregnant ,we will be in a better society . 

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