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Book ID Asin: B0B3TDC89Z
Book Title: A Heart That Works
Book Author: Rob Delaney
Book Format and Price:
Book Format Name: Kindle
Book Format Price: $11.99
Book Format Name: Audiobook
Book Format Price: $0.00
Book Format Name: Hardcover
Book Format Price: $22.29
Book Price: $19.08
Book Category: Kindle Store, Kindle eBooks, Parenting & Relationships and unknown
Book Rating: 1,128 ratings

A Heart That Works by Rob Delaney Book Review

Name: Emma Scott
Rating: 5.0 out of 5 stars
Title: The memoir I've been waiting for since June 20, 2018
Date: Reviewed in the United States on December 2, 2022
Review: Hold on your hats nโ€™ glasses, this is a long one.

A few weeks ago, my grief therapist texted me a link to a video with the message along the lines of, "I won't send you every grieving parent interview, but this one you have to see." It was this author on The One Show talking about the passing of his two-year-old son to brain cancer and how he'd written a memoir about it.

I had no idea it was going to be Rob Delaney, he who is beloved by me for the small, but crucial role of Peter in Deadpool 2 (X-Force!)

(I'm also under the general suspicion that he and David Harbour are the same person. It's the mustache. Have they ever been in the same room together? Just saying.)

I watched the interview and raced to buy the book...which was months from release. And it was because this author said something I felt like I'd been waiting to hear since June of 2018 when my 10 year old daughter Isabel, who spent five days on an ECMO, passed away from a cardiac arrest. And that was that he wanted to "write something very angry and hurt people." He didn't, by the way. There is righteous anger in this beautiful book, but I identified instantly with that sentiment without him having to explain why.

In that moment, I knew this book would unlock the last door that has thus far prevented me from writing my own memoir. And I was right. Here was raw honesty thatโ€™s been missing from my imaginary rough drafts that alternated between fluffy unicorns and rainbows, to shoving the worst, hardest, most effed up parts at reader and saying, BEHOLD MY SUFFERING, FOR IT IS GREATER THAN THINE, whether that's true or not.

So I mentally gave it 5 stars right out the gate.

The next step was to actually ready it, which I did in a few short hours, alternately laughing my ass off, crying, or staring in disbelief at the serendipities in our experiences: from the importance of Joan Didion, to memorial tattoos (I have a sleeve of them) to a loved one's suicide, to our children dying in 2018 on our birthdays. Plus, a host of micro-similarities that only come from having an inkling of what the writer is talking about. I am no means an authority on his grief, but I'm in the club and I get it. And reading this book was him saying to me, "I get it."

โ€œAfter [Henry] died, I had the odd sensation of somehow being older than my parents, or at the very last having seen something that they hadn't, and it had changed me. ...No one had anything to offer me that could light my path and show me a way forward...That was a very sad and lonely feeling.โ€

This entire book could have been that paragraph only, and I'd have considered it money well spent. For grieving parents, this book is a path forward. For those struggling to know what to do for a grieving parent, this book is a path forward. My protectiveness over this book and everything in it might be irrational but anyone giving it one star can go "gargle a big bowl of diarrhea." Until you walk a mile, and all that. Because when you lose a beautiful, kind, sweet child every day forward on this earth needs a trigger warning. The blinders come off, and the blurred line between what is bs and what is real and true evaporates, and sometimes you just want to burn it all down.

And lest this review devolve into being all about ME (too late!) It bears reiterating that it's funny as hell. Darker, angrier, even funnier thoughts about losing a child share space with the grace and beauty inherent in such an experience, and it should. The metric crap-ton of hard stuff makes everything else all the more precious. To leave it out is to miss the point entirely, so I appreciate (such a weak word) the honesty in this book for mashing them both together and saying, "You might never know this, I hope you never know this, but THIS is what it is."

I am inspired and grateful for this book.

Another thing I know, is that a lost child slipping out of the memories, or thoughts, or the consciousnesses of the rest of the world, (that continues to chug on despite the enormous hole carved out of your soul) is another kind of agony.

When I light my nightly candle to Izzy, I'll add Henry to my thoughts and be grateful for him too.

Name: Dave in CT
Rating: 5.0 out of 5 stars
Title: And you thought you knew how to cry?? Silly you! Get ready for a soul cleansing purge.
Date: Reviewed in the United States on November 30, 2022
Review: I don't often climb into the tub, pull my knees tight around my chest, turn on the shower and let the hot water rain down upon my bare skin as I sob uncontrollably. Not often, but not NEVER. This morning became one of those days.

I've had the pleasure of messing around on Twitter with Rob Delaney a few times, as his absurd, pungent humor is infectious. His honest, odd, silly, acidic, and ridiculous comedic takes are hard to look away from, and his self-deprecating style is delicious. He's been something of a behemoth on Twitter, at least in the comedic realm, for years, and I've relished any/all interactions with him. I know he's a recovering addict, that he loves ham, loves to read, enjoys Sludge metal, as do I, along with great books, and I also know that he tragically lost his young son to a brain tumor a few years back. What I didn't know is how inexplicably Rob is able to feel. How deeply human, loving, and kind he is. I also didn't know that he's lived what I'd categorize as the greatest love story of all time with his wife, Leah. They are the couple that others don't simply envy because they've lasted so long and are sweet to one another more than the next, but the couple people fear because of what they've endured and yet still feel/act this way. They're the couple that illuminates our relationships and forces us to reconcile what love really is and how honest and real our bonds may (or may not), be. They are Nick and Nora from The Thin Man, gingerly rolled in Montague and Capulet, spritzed with Henry and Clare from The Time Traveler's Wife. Little Henry lived his too-short life far happier, and more deeply cared for because of their formidable, resplendent bond.

A Heart That Works is a book that destroys part of you while simultaneously revitalizing something you didn't know you possessed. I immediately developed an understanding of grief in ways I hadn't fully understood but thought I had. This book rips at you, slowly, before instantly eviscerating you, and then it holds you in the comfort of its truth and reassembles you, only to shatter you once again. Something more beautiful comes out in the collected, restitched pieces.

Finishing this book made me cry like I haven't in years, and it was glorious, truly. I shed many tears when my father died on Christmas day ten years ago, but over time I've stifled them, grown more callous, hardened, and reserved. Why? One of the central messages of A Heart That Works is Rob reminding me (and everyone) how wonderful it is to feel. To have loved someone, experienced them, laughed with them, touched them, eventually to lose them, and immediately realize how much more significant they were than we even knew. This book is a gift. A "soul kiss" as my father used to say. It needs delicate hands and soft eyes, and will sting you over and over. You'll be better for the wounds.

I can't imagine little Henry having anyone but Rob, his wife, their family, and the numerous caregivers he had around him. I can't begin to comprehend the magnitude of grief on this level, and of course I feel for Rob as any decent human would, but I also admire him. In a world where emotions, feelings, and pain, especially from a man's perspective, are often suppressed (or shunned when displayed), Rob says, "F that x infinity" and puts it all out there on the page, holding nothing back. It's absolutely beautiful to see. He's right to love the sight of others breaking down in tears after hearing his story; it's where the essence of the human experience lies. There's no value in holding back, filtering, or diluting. This book made me an unglued, sloppy mess for a solid hour and I have nothing but gratitude to Rob for it. Thank you.

I'm sorry about your boy, Rob. Love you, man.

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