Dear my spouse Derrick

Juliet Ngoma

My heart racks whenever i think about our reminiscence. The eternal golden age i dawdled with you. I furnished you with my chaste, you pledged to attend my benevolence, not to devastate it. On 06- 01-1996 i gave birth to my baby girl Olivia, such a honeyed dainty. I credensed you with my all. You procured me all those trinkets, made me to perceive myself more as a madame. Not aware that one day you are going to be the rational of my death.  

 I recall when you asked for my numbers, i mistrusted if i should give them to you or not. I was from school, wearing my school uniform and you were driving your car. I didn't envision myself seeing such a fancy car  eye to eye. Humanity had this thing of decreeing people, especially learners who are involved with people who are not their age.  I chose to mize them, i believed that you and i had something genuine. You understood me, you accepted my flaws and you encouraged me to do better, you always gave me compliments about how i cook delicious food. I lost buddies, my clan and my pride. Then one morning I wanted to write about the fine looking gent i came across on the street. The day when everyone was looking at me as if i killed one of their own, just for following what my heart desires. I had to write about it, i just hoped there were enough pages left on my notebook. I find it amusing though, how people be entitled in your own life as if they do not have their own with their obstacles., i had to come back to reality, going to the same people who underestimated, judged me for following my heart, isn't it amusing how our hearts lie to us, our hearts are wicked, they are prone to idols. Our hearts don't know what's truly best for us, 

" Because of sin, our foolish hearts struggle with proud and selfish ideas" 

Even today, i regret even talking to you. Your blissful house, your astrology hands, your sweet utter  always dissolved me.  I noticed no one but you. I believed in our very own endowment.

remember when i told you i was expectant, you left your occopation everyday at 12:30 to check up on me. you always made sure that i was well stable. 

I was not even doing the house chores anymore because you didn't want me to burden my self. Well the one that doesn't stop went by. Just before i delivered the  little one, you enquired me not to leave the house anymore, strange men started entering our house. I didn't had any choice but to shut my mouth. After i had given birth my baby was taken away from me, how benzodiazepines has played it's place. It's constraining how i chose you more than anyone.

I was looking forward to be a mom, being Olivia's safe place. I was so excited, you took that from me, just for your own benefit. I chose to forgive you and i reconciled with you as i was following my baby's name. You didn't end there, hysterectomy was done. You went as far as  removing my womb from me.  Yet i  stayed, for love.  Love experts always say that you always  have to choose yourself, for YOU.  I didn't only lose my Olivia, my uterus. I lost my pride too. My teenage years, as now i'm late, in hell, i am complaining about the baby i killed for love, i am complaining about the red flags i saw, that i chose to ignore. I am whining about the people i lost. I am crying for justice. What exactly must be done for these criminals to pay?.. i will never rest until justice gets served.  I am a spouse of derrick- the ruler of the people, the one who doesn't care about another people. The one with power of spells, ohh i married a warlock. May those who have ears help me by hearing my whines and for those who have mouths, may they please tell him to let go of greediness, and being selfish.  May those who have connections in heaven tell the mighty one to forgive me for chasing luxuries, may they give flowers to those who used to judge me, they are really life predictors. Lastly may they tell the little one that if i could get a chance to be on earth again, the first thing i would do, would be chasing my goals and choosing my self.  

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