Depression by Philocast

Depression

Philocast2023/01/25 12:36

Depression is crying in your room on Christmas Day, for no reason, when your whole family is downstairs playing games and having fun. Depression is wishing time would hurry up from 5pm, so I can go the fuck to sleep - and only managing to hold out until 7:30pm before giving in. Depression is choosing to go to sleep at that time because I have zero motivation to do anything else and I'm bored shitless. Depression is that yearning to escape this life, but not daring to do it to my family, mostly because I was still here after the last time to see how broken they were, because of me. Depression is not giving a fuck. About anything. Yes there are still people I love - but I don't want to see them. Because I'm not me, my mind and heart are not mine lately, and I don't want them seeing me this way.

Depression is dreading the start of a new day that will be just as aimless and boring as the last.

Depression is calling in sick because every fibre of my being is lacking energy and I am physically and mentally incapable of faking normality today. Im so lost in my head I cannot find a way out some day

Depression is self-sabotaging my own future, out of hopeless fear and lack of motivation. Cannot tell you how many times I've heard "we don't see any passion or enthusiasm from you." Yeah, because I have none.

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