Baskadia

The myths about love

Falling in love is one beautiful thing but it really never stays beautiful. Worse still, society's conformity to 'happy-ever-after' and the contentions as to whether a 'perfect love story' is one that ends in bliss.

Most people are of the opinion that a perfect love story is one in which, the lovers are joined in matrimony. While this is inarguably perfect, life happens. Then we may realize that perfection is not defined by the end-result. Perfection like growth is gradual. So a perfect love story should not be predicated on tieing the knots.

However, a happy-ending is not a mirage. I would say it is excessively paraded as a milestone to be reached or accomplished in all love affairs. Seeing that most lovers are preoccupied with this notion and society's tenets for an ideal relationship is a stronghold. A lot of people might find this misleading.

The fact is that life is subject to change and we would experience modifications and occasional alterations in our attitude. While falling in love is beautiful, be reminded that life happens and people change and that your 'happy-ever-after', is not tied to one person.

Fasten your seatbelt lovers, it is either a safe-landing or crash-landing.
If you are tut-tutting over the aforesaid statement, breathe!

What is this thing called love?

As many would say, "love is a feeling..."
Ideally, the definition of love is more than that and is deeper while expressing it. As the years go by, the felony of the misuse and misconception of 'love' is until now not a punishable offence. So while there are divergent views about love, on common grounds love is a force of attraction inspired by admiration, common interests, sex appeal and so goes the list.

Originally, love is an attribute and while many may disagree, the Holy Bible affirms this truth. So love in its purest form is selfless, kind, patient, humble, not preachy, compassionate, temperate, cheerful. All these describes love.

SEE 1 Corinthians 13:4-7.

However, the love shared between a man and a woman is partly unconditional (agapé) and is majorly a fusion of friendship, affection, fondness and sexual desire. Having established this, I will be taking you through the misleading notions about a love affair.

While you might want to use the caption, 'the untrue statements about love,' I would use the caption, 'the myths about love'.

The myths about love

All relationships must lead to marriage:

We might dream of a happy-ending with our partner. In fact, it is not sensible to get into a relationship that has no plans for the future. However, holding onto this is not ideal. You may never be able to identify red flags in time, or trash out issues for the fear of an argument or a heartbreak. If it’s not worth it, let it go.

Sacrifices must be made to please your partner, even when they are illogical:

I hear people say, 'I did it for love’. I find this really disturbing because very often the actions that precedes this statement is usually catastrophic. Love isn’t foolish. If you are unable to come up with a rational solution at the heat of the issue, just take some rest and allow the tension simmer down. Then you can decide. Do not ever feel pressured to do something that would live you in regrets. Not for a partner, not for yourself.

Love is enough:

Love is a whole lot but love it’s not what sustains marriage in the long run. A relationship devoid of proper communication cannot and will not withstand travails. If you’re not talking, you would have little or no knowledge about your partner and what you do not know, you cannot understand. Aside finances, knowledge, understanding engendered by communication is paramount.

To form a synergy, you must conform to the lifestyle of your partner even if it means losing yourself:

First, you do not change yourself because of a person or persons. There are a lot people who would appreciate you for what you are. However, if your partner’s lifestyle affects you positively, then adapting to it is not a bad idea.

Affinity is a sign of compatibility:

Similarities are not what makes a relationship unique. The differences do and how these differences are being managed and synthesized to build the relationship makes it more beautiful. You could share a particular trait with someone and still be unfit to be together. Take out affinity and compatibility and just enjoy a nice convo.

Classification of love

Love is broad, no doubts. We could try to speak about it explicitly and not be able to give an elaborate and thorough lecture about it. Nonetheless, a tad of knowledge is better than having no knowledge at all.

Remember memorizing the classification of living things; kingdom, phylum, classes, order, families, genus and species.

Well, there is also the classification of love. According to the ancient Greeks, the following are the types of love;

Agape:

Agape which when translated means 'unconditional love', is the love for mankind. The exact one expressed by God to us (humans). It is the purest type of love.

SEE JOHN 3:16

Eros:

The Romanic or sexual love. It is named after the Greek god of love and fertility and it is associated with passion, romance and physical attraction. There is an argument that this is the most dangerous kind of love because of the romance and sexual activities it is associated with.

Philia:

Translated as 'affectionate love'. This is love between friends, amongst your equals. So it is love without physical attraction.

Philautia:

Philautia is described as self-love. You're probably thinking; love experienced by narcissists and egocentrics. I thought so too. However, the Greeks meant to pass a different message, where loving yourself allows you to love others and to receive love from others. Simply put, 'you cannot give what you do not have'. Hence, if you do not love yourself, you would not be able love other people.

Storge:

Defined as the 'familiar love'. Odd term, right? Like the philia love, storge is considered to be love from parent to child, amongst close relatives. So, majorly it is love in the family circle.

Pragma:

Described as the 'enduring love'. The exact opposite of Eros which is ephemeral because it 'burns out'. Pragma is love that has developed over a period of time and is firm enough to withstand life blows, understands when to make a compromise etc.

Ludus:

Ludus, when translated means 'playful love’. Simply put, it captures the early stages of romance. The days of 'I can’t live without you...can’t wait to see you...you keep the butterflies in my tummy afloat.'

Mania:

To my dismay, mania (obsessive love), was not painted as dangerous as the way I would have wanted by the Greeks. However, it pointed out that obsessive love often leads to jealous fits, anger and rage due to insecurity or low-self esteem. Personally, I would say that this is the most dangerous type of love.

You would find that your relationship is a mix of one or more of the enlisted types of love. It is not impossible to have one as the dominant feature in your relationship.

Finally, when the unfounded notions about love leaps into your ear ensure to dewax, ASAP.