Baskadia

Why am I possibly not good enough?

I sit and ponder on this…

All my life, I have been taught to be anyone but myself

I’m in a world with different societal standards, and different understandings of who we are supposed to be but I am forced day after day to be anyone but myself.

Why do I have to kiss up to others even on my bad days,

Why do I need to force a smile to seem appealing even when all I want to do is scream and be real with myself?

Is it a crime, to look at myself in the mirror and be content with who I am?

Hmmm, the very moment I feel comfortable in my own skin, there is someone telling me why in fact I should not feel happy to be me.

You aren’t pretty enough, you do not walk well, be prim and proper, talk smartly, don’t laugh too loudly, act with Grace…

Ohh but the list goes on and on…

I am a girl, who is forced to align with traditions so as to be perfect for my husband who is but in fact so unworthy of a daring, imperfect, free spirited person as myself.

I am to make Him love me, how? by being ‘good enough’.

So what makes me good enough?

People…

Why can’t I be good enough of myself?

Why can’t I challenge all odds without having to be judged consciously or subconsciously with the stares condemning and already labelling me, ‘the odd one’.

Why can’t I raise my head high amidst the rejections?

Everyone is judging and being judged, yet everyone is too insecure and careful to be who they truly desire to be.

Heads turn from side to side almost daring and challenging everyone else to actually be different.

And yes, I dare to be different.

I dare to stay true to who I am capable of becoming because I have been Graced with these capabilities by my Heavenly Father.

I dare to be unashamed of my size, my flaws, my strength, my standards, my limits; my person in all my entirety.

Why look at the mirror and already hate myself?

I deserve to be gentle with myself even if no one else can be,

I am tender and worth all the love…

why try to be perfect when but in fact I have never been called or made to be perfect, because naturally I am made perfect through Christ.

The truth is I will never be good enough for the world, but I am more than enough for me and my Father.

I will never be perfect enough for a world that struggles with understanding perfection.

I am tired of having to live up with society standards,

Having to, if not be at the top, be on the average list cause at least that’s better than nothing right?

No one is ever good enough until you intentionally see yourself as good enough,

Until you see yourself as worthy,

Until you are able to see yourself as important because you are.

You set the standards, you define the principles, you can smash the tasks and you can be all that you have ever wanted to be.

You are more than enough and maybe no one but Abba and you will ever know that,

But trust me even that in itself is all you need.