Child custody has several forms, sole custody and joint custody. Sole custody means one parent gets physical as well as legal custody. Joint custody is another type of child custody, where both parents get the right to have a share in making decisions for the child. There is also a type of joint custody where the child gets to stay for some period of time with each of the parent. However, it is said that this can be a bit difficult for the child.
It is necessary that joint custody that both parents are co-operating with each other regarding decision making about the child. It all depends on how the divorce proceedings have been, in case of a bitter divorce and conflict; it might be better that sole custody of child is awarded to a single parent.
It is required by the state laws that whichever type of custody is awarded, it is necessary that it should be in the best interests of the child. Unlike in earlier times, when mother was taken as the correct person to raise a child, today the court looks at the fact and selects the parent who has been playing an active role in raising the child.
The court allows periodical visitation rights to the parent who has not been awarded physical custody of the child; these visits take place in the home of the parent who has not been given the physical custody. However, the court might not give any rights for visitation if there is fear of any physical harm or abuse in the history of parents, the court instead of denying totally might give supervised visitation charges.
In cases where there are charges of abuse, especially sexual abuse hurled at one another by each parent, the court can give further instructions for investigation in case it is in doubt of these charges. Though there have been a number of cases where accusation of abuse has been used to get more money or to harm the spouse’s reputation.
However, if the accusation of child abuse does not hold true in someone’s case, he should not be silent over the issue and should try to gain help from several organizations which provide advice, support and sometimes legal advice. One such organization is VOCAL (Victims of Child Abuse Laws).
According to the law, visitation rights and child support payments are different issues, therefore though visitation has not been allowed one is required to pay. The court, while giving the custody of the child might take a view of ‘in best interests of the child’ where it considers several factors.
Most times both parents agree that the mother should get custody, but times are changing across the board and men are gaining more custody recently.
Divorce is always painful, especially if it comes after bitter courtroom battles. But you can avoid a lot of pain by hiring the right divorce solicitor. This may not be easy. There are many legal offices and many solicitors. Finding the right one, therefore, requires time and effort. Here is a step-by-step guide.
Make a shortlist
First, shortlist solicitors who specialise in divorce and family law. Ask friends and relatives for their recommendations. Next, get in touch with professional associations such as the Resolution (formerly Solicitor’s Family Law Association) and the Children Panel (if you have children) and ask for a list of their members. You can also pick from the solicitors listed in the Community Legal Service of the Citizens Advice Bureau database. Finally, and as a last resort, you may also scan the Yellow Pages.
Discuss, check, identify the best
Now zero in on one solicitor who you think would be just right for you. Visit or call the solicitors on your shortlist, take appointments with each and discuss with each the details of your case. Ask questions and try to assess who appears to be the most knowledgeable, competent and trustworthy. Usually, your initial discussions with the solicitors will be free of charge. So, make good use of them.
Look at track record
If you think in your case the divorce part would be easy but disputes may arise regarding child custody, go for a solicitor who has won difficult child custody cases in the past. Similarly, if you think proving adultery or infidelity would be critical in your case, pick a solicitor who has a successful track record in similar cases.
Know about all services
Through your interviews try to find out the entire range of services provided by each solicitor. Often a divorce case may affect businesses and trusts. In that case pick a solicitor who can provide mediation and related services. If there is something unique about your divorce, look for a solicitor with a family law specialization.
To verify this, check for affiliations – whether the solicitor is a member of the SLFA Specialist Accreditation Scheme or of the Law Society’s Family Law Panel, an organisation whose members have a verified deep knowledge of family law.
Check out fees and costs
Always make it a point to fully understand the fee structure of the person or firm you are hiring. Larger firms have prepared brochures listing their services, payment terms and appropriate charges. Read these thoroughly and ask questions to clarify all doubts. Be frank about your budget and your needs. Don’t lose simply because you ended up being in a situation where you were unable to bear the costs of litigation any more.
Go with your gut feeling
While there are no fixed rules to determine who would be the best solicitor for you, often a surprisingly good indicator is to go by gut feeling. If you can trust somebody and are confident of his/her abilities, go ahead and hire him or her. But if in meeting the individual you find yourself questioning their abilities, move on. Family law is a bar primarily focused on negotiation and personal relations, so if you do not like the individual, chances are they will not perform up to par.
Selecting an excellent solicitor will mean not only that will you not have to worry about falling into a legal trap, but further, it will give you confidence and knowledge as to how your case will play out.
The Passion Ration
The last straw to finalize divorce proceedings in a marriage is when adultery is committed. I would say the hurt is unbearable for the loving partner who has been betrayed. Innocent Parties like the children and family members automatically become involved to take their share of the heartache when a marriage collapses.
Many couples manage to salvage what is left of their relationship and carry on regardless fighting a lost cause. It is not easy to put your feelings and emotions on hold. Emotions are a powerful force that comes back with vengeance filling you with anger and in some cases hate.
All the respect and trust has gone leaving that once happy relationship a farce. They say you forgive and forget. Sorry having none of it, forgive yes forget no, mental scarring does not heal.
So much suffering is caused by a one night stand or affairs that normally do not last long after the guilty party has lost everything. Ask your self is it worth it.
I do not condone such behaviour where a man or woman strays outside the Marital Home to seek pleasure; only in some cases there are reasons why partners go down this road seeking comfort elsewhere.
May be the adulterer is not the guilty one. What of the spouse who decides to ration the passion in the bedroom leaving the partner no choice but to have his or her needs fulfilled outside the marriage.
You need to think twice before making a one sided decision about when you want to play or not play ball in the bedroom. Excuse the pun, but the ball is in your court to put back the missing link that is causing your marriage and partner to suffer.
They say true love never runs smooth, and if that being the case then for a little happiness give me the rough with the smooth any day.
If you have a problem regarding being bored in the bedroom, talk it over with your partner.
Rekindling a relationship is a made a lot easier if both parties participate in trying to understand why such actions were taken in the first place. Talking it through may help you both realize that the marriage is worth saving.
Counselling is out there for couples struggling to come to terms with the fact the marriage is over. Consider the children’s feelings throughout any divorce proceedings, they will need time to adapt to having there whole life turned around.
Abide by your marriage vows, if out of spite you decide to sleep alone in the master bedroom then accept the fact that the guilty part is the Betrayer not the Strayer.