Look at me!

Ainz_sama

Her smile, her laugh, the glint in her eyes when she spoke, everything. 

A wordless plea, begging the world around her to look beyond the joyful facade,

To look deeper and see that not everything was as fine as she claimed, 

She longed to hear the words "it's okay to not be fine" whispered to her, 

For someone to look at her and see through the lies she told about being alright, 

To hear the silent screams pouring forth from her soul, 

To look beyond the shining breastplate and see her bleeding heart, 

For someone to hold her in their arms all through the night while she cried her troubles away, 

For someone to hold her head as she fell asleep and whisper into her ear as she snoozed, that everything would work out fine, 

That she wouldn't need to worry about a thing anymore, 

But she never found it, the peace she longed for always seemed out of reach, 

And soon she gave up on ever finding it.  

Oh what relief, albeit temporary, relief from her woes and burdens, they would always return when the high ended, but at least for the few hours while it lasted, her troubles seemed to vanish. 

She could never find peace, or so she thought, so she opted for the numbness instead, 

Staying hours in crackhouses, trying out different kinds of highs until the drugs seemed to no longer have an effect on her, 

Then she started partying, staying at clubs for days on end until the parties began to blend together, each one feeling too much like the last until finally they began to seem pointless, 

She tried sex and found out she could escape from the demons plaguing her while in the arms of lovers, 

So she spent hours engaging in all kinds of sexual activities, spending every night in the arms of a different lover until she no longer felt anything, 

She was at a loss as to what to do, and she decided to board a train and start off somewhere far away, hopefully so far off that her demons could no longer find her, 

So she got the ticket, packed her bags and when the day came, went to the station,

For once in her life she was hopeful, maybe, just maybe she could finally find the peace she sought, 

It was at that moment she heard him, Aku's voice, sweet and melodious yet with ill intent hidden behind every word spoken, 

"What makes you so sure you will find what you seek where you are headed? 

What if it ends up being the same as here, then was there really any point in moving?"

At once the despair came flooding in, would she really find peace just by changing locations? 

As a matter of fact did peace of mind even exist? 

Tell me where to find this peace you speak of, if at all it is not an illusion! 

"It lies before you, reach out now and take it"

The horn sounded, signaling an incoming train, probably hers she thought,  

She heard the horn once more and walked slowly towards the track, 

Like a moth drawn to the dazzling flame, 

Aku's soothing voice encouraging her as she went along, 

She didn't know when she left her bags, she wouldn't need them anymore anyway, 

She could see the train now fast approaching, she could feel it, the freedom from the hell she was in, 

She could feel the peace he spoke about waiting for her to reach out and grasp it, 

With a single solid leap and her arm extended, she jumped forward, 

Like a maiden jumping into the arms of her long estranged lover, 

Peace at last she thought with a smile on her face as everything went dark. 

シェア - Look at me!