You may remember how the Beatles sang, “All you need is love.” I absolutely
disagree with that conclusion. Five out of ten marriages today are ending in
divorce because love alone is not enough. Yes, love is vital, especially for the
wife, but what we have missed is the husband’s need for respect. This book is
about how the wife can fulfill her need to be loved by giving her husband what
he needs—respect. Here is the story of one couple who discovered the Love and
Respect message just in time:
My husband and I attended your Love and Respect marriage conference. A few days before we
had gotten into another “Crazy Cycle” and decided we had had enough and were going to end our
marriage. We were both hurt, sad, angry, and despondent. By the way, we are both believers and I
work on the staff of a large church.
We had been seeing a Christian marriage counselor and I can honestly say that your conference
not only saved our marriage but actually helped us more and gave us more information and
strategies than counseling ever did. We had decided to go as a last-ditch effort, but my husband
really didn’t believe it would help and almost didn’t go. The truths God has revealed to you are
both simple and profound. . . . They started a healing process and revolutionized our marriage. If
only we had been given this information thirty years ago, what heartache and pain it would have
Let me just say, after the close on Saturday, we spent the best afternoon and evening with each
other we have had in years. It was like we were in our twenties again and so in love. Emerson, I
can honestly tell you, I never ever realized how important, how life-giving, respect was to my
What did this woman and her husband hear at that conference? What
revolutionized their marriage? What caused two people ready to divorce on
Friday to be walking together the next day like two young lovers? The book you
have in your hands is the Love and Respect message this couple heard. Their
account is one of thousands of letters, notes, and verbal affirmations I have
received that testify what can happen when a husband and wife take a different
approach to their marriage relationship.
Do you want some peace? Do you want to feel close to your spouse? Do you
want to feel understood? Do you want to experience marriage the way God
intended? Then try some Love and Respect!
This book is for anyone: people in marital crisis . . . spouses headed for
divorce . . . husbands and wives in a second marriage . . . people wanting to stay
happily married . . . spouses married to unbelievers . . . divorcées trying to heal .
. . lonely wives . . . browbeaten husbands . . . spouses in affairs . . . victims of
affairs . . . engaged couples . . . pastors or counselors looking for material that
can save marriages.
I know that I am promising a lot, and I wouldn’t dream of doing this unless I
fully believed that what I have to tell you works. Following are more examples
of how marriages turn around when wives and husbands discover the message of
Love and Respect and start living it out daily:
It has been one year since we attended the Love and Respect conference. It is the single most
powerful message on marriage that my husband and I have ever heard. We constantly find
ourselves going back to the principles we learned that special weekend. We sit on the couch
together and walk through C-O-U-P-L-E and C-H-A-I-R-S and see where we have gotten off
track. . . . We have such incredible joy in trying to do things God’s way and then seeing Him bless
Just a few days ago I decided to tell my husband that I respect him. It felt so awkward to say the
words, but I went for it and the reaction was unbelievable! He asked me why I respected him. I
listed off a few things, and I watched his demeanor change right before my very eyes.
I am sad that I have been married twenty-two years and just now understand the Respect message.
I wrote my husband two letters about why I respected him. I am amazed at how it has softened
him in his response to me. I have prayed for years that my husband would love me and speak my
love language. But when I began to speak his language, then he responded with what I have
The above letters are typical of those I receive weekly, if not daily, from
people who have gained wisdom by understanding the one key verse of Scripture
that is the foundation for this book. No husband feels fond feelings of affection
and love in his heart when he believes his wife has contempt for who he is as a
human being. Ironically, the deepest need of the wife—to feel loved—is
undermined by her disrespect.
Please understand, however, that what I have to tell you is not a “magic
bullet.” Sometimes the glow a couple feels at one of our conferences fades in a
few days or weeks, and they succumb to the same old problems—the Crazy
Cycle. I like to advise all couples who learn about the power of Love and
Respect to give it a six-week test. In that time, they can see how far they have come and how far they still have to go.
The journey to a godly, satisfying marriage is never over, but during three
decades of counseling husbands and wives, I have discovered something that can
change, strengthen, or improve any marriage relationship. I call it the Love and
Respect Connection, and my wife, Sarah, and I are taking this message across
America. We are seeing God work in remarkable ways when men and women
submit themselves wholeheartedly to this biblical design for marriage. We see it
working in our own marriage, where we are still discovering new blessings as
we use the Love and Respect Connection to touch each other.
If you and your spouse will practice the Love and Respect Connection, the
potential for improving your marriage is limitless. As one wife wrote:
I wanted to let you know, I GOT IT! God granted me the power of this revelation of respecting
my husband. . . . This revelation . . . has changed everything in my marriage—my approach, my
response, my relationship to God and my husband. It was the missing piece.
For so many couples, respect is, indeed, the missing piece of the puzzle. Read
on, and I’ll show you what I mean.