Baskadia

I am afraid to get too close for I fear you may break my heart

Yet I am more scared go away for maybe I may never be whole.

I have so much to say but I fear no one would want to listen.

Or that the whole world would hate me for my every utterance.

And still I am afraid to not say anything at all,

for perhaps then I’ll be lost forever to this world unrecognisable,

not memorable even to the ones I hold dear.

I am afraid to close my eyes because I fear I might never awake or be forever stuck in dreamland,

never to see the light of day.

However I am scared I may never be able to sleep again if I don’t try.

Insomnia might be everything in my life that matters.

That I refuse to live with.

I am afraid to go out of these walls for I fear the world might not welcome me. They might hold me captive and never let go.

Binding my heart, mind and soul enslaving me till my last breath.

Still I am more scared to not go out, for one day the walls may close in on me and I might never find a way out and yet dying the most shameful death imaginable.

I am afraid to stop running because I fear my pursuer may get a hold of me and silence me forever taking away all I ever fancied and all that was ever mine.

Yet I’m more scared that I might never stop running or hiding from that person and from everything in this world that haunts me because there will always be something to run away from.

And of course I’ll wear out, my soul will tire out and then what might become of me.

What must I do, the former or the latter? How do I overcome these fears someone help me before I drown in misery, before death clouds my senses and before it’s too late.