Baskadia

JOKES

• "What do you call a factory that makes okay products?" "A satisfactory."

• "Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems."

• "What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?" "Supplies!"

• "Have you heard about the chocolate record player? It sounds pretty sweet."

• "What did the ocean say to the beach?" "Nothing, it just waved."

• "Why do seagulls fly over the ocean?" "Because if they flew over the bay, we'd call them bagels."

• "I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know y."

• "How does the moon cut his hair?" "Eclipse it."

• "What did one wall say to the other?" "I'll meet you at the corner."

• "What did the zero say to the eight?" "That belt looks good on you."

• "What do clouds wear?" "Thunderwear."

• "Why are piggy banks so wise?" "They're filled with common cents."

• "Why is Peter Pan always flying?" "He neverlands."

• "How do you get a good price on a sled?" "You have toboggan."

• "How can you tell if a tree is a dogwood tree?" "By its bark."

• "I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me."

• "It's inappropriate to make a 'dad joke' if you're not a dad. It's a faux pa."

• "What do you call a hot dog on wheels?" "Fast food!"

• "Where do young trees go to learn?" "Elementree school."

• "Did you hear about the circus fire? It was in tents."

• "Can February March? No, but April May!"

• "How do lawyers say goodbye? We'll be suing ya!"

• "Wanna hear a joke about paper? Never mind—it's tearable."

• "What's the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament? Live stream."

• "Spring is here! I got so excited I wet my plants."

• "I could tell a joke about pizza, but it's a little cheesy."

• "Why don't eggs tell jokes? They'd crack each other up."

• "I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something."

• "What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows."

• "Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I'm not going to spread it!"

• "Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired."

• "What did one hat say to the other?" "Stay here! I'm going on ahead."

• "Why did Billy get fired from the banana factory? He kept throwing away the bent ones."

• "I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it."

• "Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field."

• "I made a pencil with two erasers. It was pointless."

• "How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it!"

• "I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!"

• "Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke? He won the 'no-bell' prize."

• "I've got a great joke about construction, but I'm still working on it."

• "I used to hate facial hair...but then it grew on me."

• "I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner—it was just gathering dust!"

• "I had a neck brace fitted years ago and I've never looked back since."

• "You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine."

• "What's brown and sticky? A stick."

• "Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom? Because the 'P' is silent."

• "What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant."

• "What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk."

• "I like telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs!"

• "What's the best smelling insect?" "A deodor-ant."

• "I used to be a personal trainer. Then I gave my too weak notice."

• "Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!"

• "If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?"

• "I ordered a chicken and an egg online. I’ll let you know."

• "It takes guts to be an organ donor."

• "If you see a crime at an Apple Store, does that make you an iWitness?"

RIDDLES

1. Riddle: What is there one of in every corner and two of in every room?

Answer: The letter O.

2. Riddle: What is stronger than steel but can’t handle the sun?

Answer: Ice.

3. Riddle: What is it that no one wants, but no one wants to lose?

Answer: A lawsuit.

4. Riddle: The more there is, the less you see. What am I?

Answer: Darkness.

5. Riddle: How do eight eights add up to one thousand?

Answer: 888 + 88 + 8 + 8 + 8 = 1000.

6. Riddle: I have many faces, expressions, and emotions, and I am usually right at your fingertips. What am I?

Answer: Emojis.

7. Riddle: I’m full of holes but strong as steel. What am I?

Answer: A chain.

8. Riddle: A barrel of water weighed 60 pounds. Someone put something in it and now it weighs 40 pounds. What did the person add?

Answer: A hole.

9. Riddle: You are my brother, but I am not your brother. Who am I?

Answer: I am your sister.

10. Riddle: If all Wibbles are Criggles, all Borkins are Kwumblins, no Hoggles are Borkins, and all Criggles are Borkins, is it true that all Borkins are Criggles?

Answer: Nope.

11. Riddle: What word has kst in the middle, in the beginning, and at the end?

Answer: Inkstand

12. Riddle: What bird do you associate with lifting weight?

Answer: A crane.

13. Riddle: Two men are in a desert. They both have backpacks on. One of the guys is dead. The guy who is alive has his backpack open and the guy who is dead has his backpack closed. What is in the dead man’s backpack?

Answer: A parachute.

14. Riddle: What walks on four feet in the morning, two in the afternoon, and three at night?

Answer: A man. The times of day represent a lifetime. He crawls as a baby, walks as an adult, and walks with a cane as an elder man.

15. Riddle: One day, a magician was boasting about how long he could hold his breath underwater. His record was 6 minutes. A kid that was listening said, “that’s nothing, I can stay underwater for 10 minutes using no equipment or air pockets!” The magician told the kid if he could do that, he’d give him $10,000. The kid did it and won the money. How?

Answer: He filled a glass of water and held it above his head for 10 minutes.

16. Riddle: What is it that given one, you’ll have either two or none?

Answer: A choice.

17. Riddle: I can be long or can be short, I can be black, white, brown, or purple. You can find me the world over and I am often the main feature. What am I?

Answer: Rice.

18. Riddle: How can the number four be half of five?

Answer: IV, the Roman numeral for four, is half (two letters) of the word five.

19. Riddle: I am something people celebrate or resist. I change people’s thoughts and lives. I am obvious to some people but, to others, I am a mystery. What am I?

Answer: Age.

20. Riddle: Nobody has ever walked this way. Which way is it?

Answer: The Milky Way.

21. Riddle: It can’t be touched and can’t be felt. It can’t be seen, or heard, or smelt. It lies behind stars and under hills, and any empty holes it fills. It comes early and follows after, ends life, and kills laughter. What is it?

Answer: Darkness.

22. Riddle: What grows up while growing down?

Answer: A goose or duck.

23. Riddle: A man runs away from home. He turns left but keeps running. After some time, he turns left again and keeps running. He later turns left once more and runs back home. Who was the man in the mask?

Answer: A baseball player running the bases.

24. Riddle: Sometimes narrow, sometimes wide, wind or rain, I stay outside. Even if there’s heat or snow, from house to house I will still go. What am I?

Answer: A path.

25. Riddle: I have three feet, but I can’t stand without leaning. I have no arms to hold me up. What am I?

Answer: A yardstick.

26. Riddle: What can go through glass without breaking it?

Answer: Light.

27. Riddle: It’s shorter than the rest, but when you’re satisfied, you bring it up. What is it?

Answer: Your thumb.

28. Riddle: I speak without a mouth and hear without ears. I’m invisible, but you can call for me. What am I?

Answer: An echo.

29. Riddle: What has ten letters and starts with gas?

Answer: An automobile

30. Riddle: What connects two people, but touches only one?

Answer: A wedding ring

31. Riddle: They can be harbored, but few hold water. You can nurse them, but only by holding them against someone else. You can carry them, but not with your arms. You can bury them, but not in the earth.

Answer: Grudges.

32. Riddle: What has a neck but no head, two arms, and no hands?

Answer: A shirt.

33. Riddle: I have cities, but no houses. I have mountains, but no trees. I have water, but no fish. What am I?

Answer: A map.

34. Riddle: A woman shoots her husband, then holds him underwater for five minutes. Next, she hangs him. Afterward, they enjoy a lovely dinner. How?

Answer: She took a picture of him and developed it in her darkroom.

35. Riddle: I only lie down once in my life—when I die. What am I?

Answer: A tree.